Therapist Blog Challenge #21: Maintaining Space in a Relationship

I'm excited to present a blog challenge that has to do with one of my favorite topics: relationships. Specifically, you'll have the chance to explore the idea of how a person can maintain his/her own space (physically and emotionally) while also being in a relationship.

[Headline] Come up with a headline to give your readers an idea of what is to come. Here are a few examples:

"'Give Me Some Space!' Maintaining Healthy Boundaries in Relationships"

"Creating an Appropriate Amount of (Emotional) Space With Your Significant Other"

"Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder; How Spending Time Away From Your Spouse Can Strengthen Your Connection"

"Preserve Your Relationship By Taking Time For Yourself!"

[Strong Intro] Write an introductory paragraph to explain the topic more and lay the scene for your main points. You may write your own or use the following:

Movies and pop culture often portray two people in love as inseparable and completely enamored with one another. Some struggle when they realize that the experience of real life can be quite different. The truth is that almost everyone in a relationship needs a little personal space and even time away. But how can you get a breather while still maintaining your relationship? Here are some reasons why space is important and also ways to create boundaries and still keep your connection strong:

[Scanable Content] Break up your content to make it more digestible and easy to read. Under each point, flesh out your idea by elaborating on your thoughts.

1. Tune In To Your Feelings

Acknowledging your emotions that you need a little space in your relationship is the first step. Maybe you're feeling a bit cut off from other people or are even feeling a bit smothered. Some may be inclined to ignore such feelings or consider them "bad," but instead express to yourself if you are wanting a bit of a breather from your significant other.

2. Communicate About Your Needs

It may be a bit tricky, but tactfully communicate that you would like to branch out a bit. Be careful to let the other person know that you are not ending the relationship, but just want to find ways to enrich your life and experience. Express how you are feeling, and listen to your love's response; it's possible that he/ she is wanting the same thing!

3. Pursue Your Individual Passions

Take time to "get to know yourself" and do something that you enjoy (but perhaps have been neglecting). Go ahead and sign up for that pottery class, or recommit yourself to your exercise regimen that has suffered a bit. Encourage the other person to likewise engage in activities that he/ she likes.

4. Nourish Your Friendships

Although your spouse or significant other is likely your "number one," remember that no single person can fulfill all of your needs. We as humans are wired to connect, and we have something to learn from different people in our lives. Moreover, there is likely someone in your circle of influence who needs you, so take a break for a day or two and spend an evening with a friend.

5. Come Back Together Stronger Than Before 

If you need some space and give yourself permission to take it, you're practicing self-care and can become even closer to your significant other. Famed German psychologist Erik Erikson explained that "identity precedes intimacy." Paradoxically, your relationship can be strengthened by developing your self and then creating and maintaining space!

[Strong ending paragraph] Wrap up your post by summarizing your main points to conclude and then possibly offering a further idea or two for readers or a call to action. Here’s an example:

Relationships need a lot to thrive: time, love, honesty, and connection. But each person taking time for him/ herself is an important (and sometimes overlooked) component in creating and maintaining a strong and healthy relationship. Tune in to your feelings, communicate, spend time with your friends and doing what you like, and come back together stronger than before.

Additional reminders about the 2015 blog challenge

• Write and post your blog article in the next 2 weeks. If you miss the deadline or you read this article months later, that’s OK too. Post a link for this blog challenge in the comment section of this blog post.
• Read, comment, and share other therapist’s articles.
• Tweet your post using hashtag #therapistblog and tag @drjuliehanks so I can retweet it.
• Pin it on the challenge Pinterest Board. I’ve invited everyone who posted a comment on the initial blog challenge post as collaborators so you can pin onto the group board.
• Spread the word and invite mental health colleagues to join the challenge. Articles can be added anytime throughout the year.
• Write no more than 600 words, make it easy to read, use a conversational tone, and gear your articles toward your ideal client (not other professionals).
• The goal of a professional blog is to provide value to your website visitors, help them get to know your professional perspective, increase traffic to your private practice website, and build your practice.

Join my Private Practice Toolbox Facebook group and connect with 3100 therapists around the globe in 2 simple steps: 1) Click request to join the group and 2) Fill out this brief questionnaire before you’ll be added to the group.Get practice tips and blog updates in your inbox.

Sign up for the Private Practice Toolbox Newsletter here.

Get 52 FREE Blog Topics and prompts when you sign up for the PPT Newsletter (that’s a year's worth of weekly blog posts!)

5 Reasons to Network With Other Therapists

As therapists, it’s easy to become isolated. We see our clients, fill out paperwork, perhaps read a book or two to brush up on certain skills, then go home. I certainly don’t mean to imply that the work of a clinical counselor is rote or is not stimulating, but as the nature of therapy is very private, it’s quite possible to get into a routine that greatly limits our interaction with other professionals.

Through my 13 years in private practice and 20+ years in the mental health field, I have come to understand the power of networking with like-minded professionals. Networking is cultivating relationships to facilitate the exchange of information (which may be related to the nature of the profession and/or to career and employment). For our purposes, it simply means being in frequent and meaningful contact with other therapists! This strategy has greatly benefited my practice and also me personally and professionally in numerous ways.

Here are 5 reasons to get out of your office and begin networking with other therapists:

1) Client Referrals        

Perhaps you've recently opened your practice and need to build your clientele. If you know others in the area and have begun to create those relationships, you have a valuable resource to draw upon. Introduce yourself to other practitioners in your area in case they know anyone seeking a therapist with your speciality (it's not self-serving; it's smart). Conversely, if you have a thriving practice and have the wonderful dilemma of having a higher demand for your services than you are able to provide, generously referring out is a way you can serve individuals even though you are not seeing them as clients. Network to learn of others you can contact if/ when this occurs.

2) Combat Loneliness 

We teach our clients about the importance of self-care, but are we tending to our own emotional needs as well? We understand from attachment theory that we innately need connection with others; isolation is quite literally a form of torture, and many therapists I've worked with feel a real sense of disconnection seeing only clients all day. Reach out to others in order to fight loneliness and feel emotionally supported (read more here about this idea).

3) Career Opportunities      

Beyond your work as a clinician, you can use your skills and talents to serve your community in other ways (such as through writing or consulting), and many of these opportunities present themselves through your relationships with others. Perhaps a colleague has suggested or inspired you to expand your activities. Networking has brought me personally many opportunities that I wouldn't have otherwise had. It's quite amazing the possibilities that can open up to you if you devote time and energy to cultivating those professional connections.

4) Collaboration        

Going along with the previous point, finding ways to apply your skills other than by seeing clients is often best done in collaborative efforts. Combining your knowledge and experience with others in the mental health field is a great way to enrich and contribute to the professional community while simultaneously expanding your outreach. This very blog is infinitely more valuable because it contains not only my experiences, but those of others with whom I've networked and created relationships. Reaching out and working with others in the field can enhance your career accomplishments.

5) Communicate About What's New      

If you're sitting in your office all day with only minimal contact with the outside world, it's unlikely that you'll hear about new developments in the field. But through continual networking and staying in touch with other clinicians, you can become aware of and familiar with new therapies and strategies that may enhance your practice. Regular contact with others can help you keep abreast of these new ideas, and you as well can offer your feedback on current topics and controversies relating to therapy.

What are reasons YOU network with others?

How has networking benefitted you?

Stay tuned for an upcoming post about therapist-friendly strategies to effectively network.  

Visit the new PrivatePracticeToolbox.net for webinars and consulting services

Get 52 FREE Mental Health Blog Topics and prompts when you Sign up for the Private Practice Toolbox Newsletter here.

Join my Private Practice Toolbox Facebook group and connect with 3200 therapists around the globe in 2 simple steps:

1) Click request to join the group and

2) Fill out this brief questionnaire before you’ll be added to the group.

A Day in the Life: Meet Psychologist Laura Louis, Ph.D.

Dr. Laura Louis has worked in the field of psychology for over ten years. Her specialities includes multicultural counseling and helping couples rebuild trust and intimacy after infidelity. Using her professional expertise and experience, she authored a book entitled Marital Peace: 10 Things You Can Do To Divorce Proof Your Marriage. Beyond her clinical career, Louis has provided consultation to different organizations and agencies to improve their productivity and efficiency through increased communication skills. She has worked in a variety of settings, including schools, court systems, domestic violence shelters, and psychiatric hospitals.

Peek into a day in her life as a psychologist here:

A Day in the Life

December 8, 2014

7:30AM -8AM

Woke up, got dressed, and checked my email.

8AM -10AM

Went to Stone Mountain for my weekly hike. This is what gets my creative juices flowing.

10AM-11AM

Prepped for my speaking engagement on helping couples heal from past infidelity. My 3 city tour is coming up next week, and I can't wait. YAY! I love to travel and meet new people.

11AM-12PM 

Put the finishing touches on my upcoming webinar about infidelity. I'm excited about reaching a broader audience, but also a bit nervous. Hope it goes well.

12PM-1PM

Wrote psychological reports while eating lunch (Thought- I need to hire a psychometrist; time to build that team).

2PM-7PM

Saw 5 clients (one each hour). That's my limit. Anymore, and I start to question my effectiveness.

7pm

Headed home. Listened to a few business podcasts on the way from my private practice.

7:45PM

Made it home and kissed husband. Aww, I missed him.

8PM-10PM

Ate dinner. Since my husband works from home, he made dinner. Yay:) Cuddled together while watching Law and Order. Checked email.

10PM- 11PM

Read Bible and took a shower.

11PM

Went to sleep.

To learn more about Dr. Laura, visit www.giftedcounseling.com.

If you'd like to submit a day in your life for this series, please contact me here.

Adventures in Private Practice: Weight Management Counselor Michelle Lewis, LCSW

This series highlights the successful private practitioners' journey in private practice so you can learn from their successes and missteps. One of the unexpected benefits of writing this blog is that I've been able to meet and connect with practitioners around the globe. The therapist featured today actually is not on the other side of the world, but is in the same city, and practices only a few blocks away from my practice. Michelle Lewis, LCSW and I worked together for one consultation and since then, I've been able to watch her really dig in, focus on her niche, and develop a successful practice. She is not only a great practice owner, but is a compassionate person and passionate about her work. Get to know Michelle.

Tell me about your practice…   

I own a group practice called Salt Lake Weight Counseling. We specialize in helping clients identify and overcome emotional barriers to weight management. We specifically target emotional eating, food addiction, body image, and patterns of self-sabotage. Working with these issues, we also treat a significant amount of trauma. By addressing the trauma, we are able to help  clients heal their relationship with food and end the war with their body.

Why did you decide to open a private practice?

I worked in a residential treatment with adolescents for many years, and the stress really started burning me out, so I took a job in a corporate wellness program through an insurance company. They hired me to work with members to identify emotional barriers related to their health goals. I worked with a lot of clients who struggled with self-sabotage in weight loss. They would yo-yo up and down with the same 10, 20, or 50 pounds over and over again and could not figure out why this happened. I started using my training as an addictions counselor and helped those clients experience success that they had never seen prior. During this time, I had started building a part-time private practice. I wasn't sure if full-time private practice was for me, but as I developed my specialty, I found myself more and more drawn to the idea. Once I took the leap, I really looked forward to my time in my own office and loved the passion that came with my work. I also loved having total control over my schedule and the clients I was working with. Since moving from my full-time corporate job to full-time private practice, the passion and excitement around my work has continued to grow. I love the energy that comes with developing an expertise and working with your ideal client every day!

Clients that therapists find to be the most “difficult” are sometimes the ones who can teach them the most. What have you learned from your toughest clients?

My toughest clients challenge me to be a better therapist. It is easy to get stuck in a rut when you find a formula that works well. When I find clients who struggle to heal, it forces me to try new methods and educate myself on new skills. It actually revives the passion I feel about this work!

What’s your biggest pet peeve about private practice?

Handling money. I think the cliché about therapists being allergic to money is so true! The greatest thing about working for someone else is not having to ask anyone for money. I hate having to follow up with people who have overdue bills, so we started keeping a credit card to avoid the hassle. That has made life so much easier!

How did you discover or develop your practice “niche”?

I am passionate about health and wellness in general. I am an avid cyclist and hiker, so when I found my job through the insurance company's wellness program, I jumped at the chance. It felt like it was what I was made to do. For the first time, I really felt connected to my work in a meaningful way.

What resource (book, website, person) helped you the most when setting up your private practice?

Honestly, you helped me the most, Julie. I set up one consultation session, and you helped me clarify my goals and direct my marketing to my ideal client. My practice really took off after that session.

What has surprised you most about being in private practice?

How rewarding it is! I have had jobs that felt rewarding, but this has taken my work to a whole new level. When I started thinking about private practice, I saw it as a way to work less and make more. This is true, but it goes beyond the financial benefits. This isn't just my career, it is my calling. I think having control over what I do and how I do it has helped me expand my horizons beyond what I thought was possible.

Has your private practice helped you grow professionally?

It forces me to stay on top of my game by constantly exploring new skills and techniques. I am always reading and attending trainings beyond the required number of CEUs. I love learning as much as possible to help my clients heal.

Has it helped you grow personally, too?

It helps me live the life I want. It gives me flexibility to travel, hike, bike, and engage in other activities that keep me balanced and energized.

Being a therapist can be emotionally exhausting. What do you do to care for your own emotions and psychological health?

Spending time with friends, my husband, and my dog are key. When I am having a stressful day, my favorite activity is walking my dog while I listen to an audiobook.

How do you cope with the inevitable stressors involved with being your own boss?

Self-care is key. By taking care of my physical and emotional health consistently, the stressors aren't as powerful. I try to be solution-minded. Instead of getting caught up in the stress, I try to come up with a game plan and then identify potential pitfalls in the future.

What personal strengths have helped you succeed in private practice?

Organizational skills are key! You have to know who's on first at all times! Also, dedication and determination are so important. I feel a dedication to my clients and work tirelessly to help them achieve their goals. I am also determined when it comes to my business. I am consistently looking for ways to improve the work we do.

To learn more about Michelle's practice, visit www.SLWeightCounseling.com.

Get practice tips and blog updates in your inbox. Sign up for the Private Practice Toolbox Newsletter here.

Learn about my private practice consulting

Join my Private Practice Toolbox Facebook group and connect with 3000 therapists around the globe in 2 simple steps: 1) Click request to join the group and 2) Fill out this brief questionnaire before you'll be added to the group.

4 Steps to Breaking Up with Managed Care

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

We've talked a lot recently about the benefits of switching from using a managed care system to a private pay model. It benefits your clients, it benefits you, and overall it just benefits your practice (click here for a post detailing the math and financial advantage of a self-pay model)! But how exactly do you do it? It's quite a change, so it can be difficult to know where to start. Here are 4 strategies to help you make the transition:

 1) Resign in Waves       

Instead of trying to go cold turkey by leaving your panels at once, pick one or two to begin. I suggest choosing the companies that cause you the most headaches, give you unreasonable hoops to jump through, are infamous for not paying on time, and have the lowest reimbursement rates (most therapists I've consulted have no problem identifying which ones these are). Make the transition by weaning off of managed care panels one at a time.

While you are doing this, you need to be ramping up your REST "marketing" process. This will help you attract full-fee clients. Do them simultaneously to secure future business for your practice.

2) Review Your Contract   

Carefully and meticulously read the details of your contract with the insurance companies. What is the length of time required before resignation? You don't want to get hit with fees or have your transition timeline thrown off because you didn't quite understand your contractual obligations, so do your research and give yourself plenty of time.

3) Write An Official Resignation Letter    

After you've determined the timetable you have, sit down and write your letter to officially resign from the insurance panel(s) you've chosen. Be clear, concise, and professional. No need to go into detail about your reasons for ending your business with a certain company. Firmly express your decision to resign. Also, it's a good idea to follow up to ensure that your letter was received.  

4) Prepare Your Clients

And finally, perhaps the most important step to take in making the transition to a private pay model is to let your clients know. Give them plenty of notice (three months minimum), and present them with a considerate and professional letter that clearly states the upcoming changes. Also, offer them options. If they are close to completing treatment, work with them to finish their sessions before you resign from that particular panel. If your clients desire to stay with you and will be transitioning to paying out of pocket, begin to decrease the length or frequency of their sessions if needs be. It's amazing how some people can turn on the motivation when they have to! You also can educate your clients and encourage them to explore out-of-network benefits. Or you might prepare to transfer clients to a trusted colleague.

When I made the change, my clients were exceptionally understanding. I believe part of this was that I informed them in a confident and considerate way, and I was open to feedback and helping clients process their emotions about it. I was also able to use this experience as a way to model self-care and making difficult decisions. Overall, this was remarkably successful, and the majority of my clients stayed with me!

Click here for access to the full webinar of all the ins and outs of Breaking Up With Managed Care.

Get practice tips and blog updates in your inbox. Sign up for the Private Practice Toolbox Newsletter here.

Join my Private Practice Toolbox Facebook group and connect with 2800 therapists around the globe in 2 simple steps: 1) Click request to join the group and 2) Fill out this brief questionnaire before you'll be added to the group.